Tuesday, September 06, 2011


Every day I wake up and I feel exhausted. One could think it's the cat waking me up anywhere between 1-3 every night to be fed (otherwise, her scratching at the door keeps me up for as long as I don't), but I think it's something more fundamental, because I can never seem to get enough sleep. Perhaps it's the long hangover after having a newborn, but you would think after 2 years of not having to wake up every two hours, I would have gotten back to some semblance of a normal restfulness. And perhaps it's some chemical imbalance that I plan on checking out by seeing an endocrinologist at some point. On the other hand, I'm also in pain a lot, but again, that could simply be the wear and tear of having a toddler jump on my stomach--"Yay, that's fun daddy!"--and me hoisting him in the air many times every day off I have.
Or is it simply a function of age? I just turned 49; is that too soon to have these kinds of physical ailments? I've never been 49 before, after all--maybe this is normal. I sure feel like it is not normal, because the reality is that ever since I had chemotherapy, I've felt this way--is it some kind of lingering and permanent after-effect of chemotherapy? Have I been prematurely aged beyond my years? Who can say with any surety? Certainly not the oncologist that I've talked to; her job was done once the cancer was eliminated (and I don't begrudge her for that, of course.) It does seem like nobody has looked into these kinds of things too much, although the newness of many of the chemo drugs makes long term research impossible for a while yet. (The "chemo brain" effect, the actuality of which I can attest, is just recently being studied and accepted as "real." Other after-effects must surely exist as well, one would have to assume at this point.) I have yet to do much research myself in gerontology, so I have to admit I know next to nothing about the aging process, but then again, who in the mid-late 40s thinks in those terms, really? It seems too early in life for me to feel this lousy all the time, but maybe I'm simply ignorant. I know plenty of people plenty older than me that don't have these issues, but then again, none of them have 2+ year-old kids, either.
Gaahh. It just goes round and round . . .

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Surly,

I just turned 48 and things creak and fall off a lot more than they did even 5 years ago. I can't imagine having a 2 year old in the mix. But you should have things checked out. It wouldn't hurt and it could help! Take care of yourself Mr. Surly!

5:46 PM  
Blogger bryduck said...

Thanks for the input, anon! I was hoping, I guess, that this wasn't aging, but as Peter Green would say, "Oh well."

5:54 PM  

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